I haven’t posted in a few days. Have been very busy trying not to be busy. It really does take a bit of effort for me, but once achieved, it is worth it. Completely and thoroughly worth it.
I suppose that is the main thought behind the title of my blog. Learning to appreciate a slower existence. I know, ‘Stop Lights’ is a strange and somewhat vague blog title, but I honestly couldn’t think of something more appropriate. I want my life and the life I share with others to be a life in the slow lane. Or, at the very least, a life that is periodically there, in the lane where others are honking at you and you are sharing precious road space with old ladies and farmers who don’t know any better. I hope I am beginning to learn something from the slow lane and all those who reside there with a self-assuredness born of the rewards.
Who says I have to run like mad everywhere at once? I realized sometime this fall that it is all about decisions, goals, what I want to be like and how I want to see the world when I am, God willing, very old.
The goals I see as most valuable for me, personally, are the ones that involve a precise weaving of my heart, my soul, my mind, and my body. Am I feeding myself and my family well in all the ways that matter? I am sorry to say I am fidgety with slowness. Impatient even. Up until now I have run my life at full-tilt, working hard, busy, always looking to the next thing.
It’s not all bad. I have done a lot of things, seen a lot of successes, some failures, and regrets to be sure. But I’m having the darndest time getting off the treadmill.
I have three very lovely, soft, and precocious mini-humans running about my house. Always full of questions and a natural affinity for the slower life, they constantly challenge me.
“Can you read me a story, Mama?”
“Can you write me a story, Mama?”
“Will you read my story, Mama? Do you like the picture of you? I made it with brown hair and green eyes.”
“Can we start building the tree house, yet?”
“You wanna come see our secret hide-out? Pulleeeeeeeze, Mama?”
“Can I wear your jewelry?”
“Do you like the pillow I sewed?”
“Can I have that bottle? Is it recycling, Mama, if I use the bottle to make a super-duper rocket? Will you help me?”
Ah, yes. The constant reminders of what is important always walking around me and under my feet.
I want to want slow ways. I think I’m on my way, but it has taken a determined stride in another direction to achieve the type of gradual awareness I have now.
Like seeing the little chef in my son and teaching him, coaching him, and letting him try new things so he has a profound sense of accomplishment that has nothing to do with perfection. Watching him carefully heat a skillet, slice a pat of butter and watch it sizzle. The precise crack of an egg, the search for shell pieces, and the ultimate reward of a expertly flipped omelet. I don’t think any omelet I have ever made for myself has tasted anywhere near as good as his do. It must be his 7 yr. old boyishness that lends it that perfect blend of salty and mellow.
Like seeing the girly, artsy side of my daughter and letting her express that even if it means piles and piles of “projects” that seem to fill every drawer in the house. I am beginning to realize there will be a day those projects will be priceless not only to me, but to her. Little stepping stones of success that she can look back and see and appreciate. And she wants to make cheese when she grows up. Just like that. Cheese. At 5 yrs old she knows this. I told her she can only if she promises to send me some every month until I die a happy, cheesy death.
Like our youngest who can set us all to giggling with just one expression and who never holds back a kiss and a snuggle. He also doesn’t hesitate to tell me ‘no’. A firecracker, that one.
So, most days I am still left with that habitual nervousness that asks, Is it safe to cease planning just for a little while? Can I just live today, enjoy today, love today and still be responsible?
Perhaps I need to be asking myself, Is is safe to NOT stop and experience the ‘nows’?
I’m thinking this week will be a bit of an enjoyment of the slow lane. Little posts rendering my determination to experience the whole of something, by recognizing and appreciating the little parts.
I sooo needed this. To know it’s OK to stop doing and just _be_ with my kids. Thank you.
Tell Joshua he can come cook at our house, too. Andy and Brady love it. Between the two of them, they flawlessly cracked six eggs yesterday for our scrambled eggs!
My feeling is that once you can successfully crack an egg, you deserve a chef’s hat. They have been inducted into Aunt Heather’s Hall of Egg Fame. So, so very proud.